An Enigma of Cake

So my friend and I were sitting outside of time. I would love to tell you what the place looked like, except, I really can’t. Imagine an empty void, with two beings within this void. My friend wanted some cake. “What the heck is that?” I asked.

“I came across it in a book I decided to read because I forgot how to read and I needed to learn how to read again. It’s this tasty, often sweet form of food made by humans”.

I stared at my friend. I continued to stare at my friend. He seemed rather annoyed by my constant staring, so he said “What? Quit staring at me like that, it’s creepy”

“What are humans?” I had no idea what humans were.

“Oh, they’re just this race of life form that was the main inhabitants of this planet called Earth. They eventually led the planet to destruction and wiped out their own entire race.”

“And how did that happen?”

“I couldn’t understand. Something about this thing called twerking and an invention called the internet. It didn’t really matter. What interested me was cake.”

“Oh okay. Well…why? What’s so good about this ‘cake’?” I really couldn’t see the appeal. I was beginning to lose interest until he said something interesting and so I stopped losing interest.

“Not only is it incredibly tasty, fun and colourful, it’s awesome as well.”

“Woah, awesome?”

“Yeah, awesome.” I needed a piece of this cake. I just had this sudden desire to eat all the cake I could. “Where did you read that it was awesome?” I asked.

“Apparently, these things called ‘advertisements’ that humans used to make other humans buy things said so”. I honestly didn’t care about humans anymore. I didn’t care about anything anymore. All I wanted was cake. I gripped my friends head and whispered violently “WHERE. IS. THE. CAKE. I NEED IT.” My friend stared at me in a mixture of incredible fear and confusion you’d have thought he was looking at the monster of his nightmares, who had just murdered his family, turn to him and ask him if he had a spare sock. It was an incredible sight. I was staring at his face in marvel.

“Er..the cake..c-can only be found, on earth. And quit…staring at me…like that. I told you it creeps me out so much”

“Sorry”

“it’s okay”

“So, earth it is then?”

“Earth it is”

“I thought you said, Earth got destroyed”

“Well, yeah, it did, kinda. It’s now just a big ball of dust. We can still travel there using the fridge.”

“My fridge or your fridge?”

“My fridge I guess”

“I hate your fridge”

“Your fridge then”

“No it’s okay we’ll go with your fridge”

So, by a product of our imagination, we entered his fridge even though, technically, it doesn’t actually exist. Through thought alone we entered his fridge of travel. It was rather cramped in all honesty. We should have gone in separate fridges. But it was too late now. So, we both stood there, in his fridge, outside of time and existence, my nose rubbing against his eye. “Could you..uhh..get your nose out of my eye?”

“I’m afraid not”

“That’s ok.”

We both stood there. We carried on standing there, until my curiosity got the better of me, “When are you gonna launch this thing?”

“Oh yeah, that’s what I forgot” So my friend sets the fridge in motion. It tore through the barriers of space and time. As usual with fridge travel, for an incredibly small instant unrecognisable to any life form throughout the universe, I could see everything. I could touch everything. I understood everything. I could feel everything. I could smell everything. But before I had time to do anything, I couldn’t do anything.

“Well, here we are” said my friend. We stepped out of the fridge into a broken world. Torn buildings stood tall above flowing rivers of dust. Broken vehicles of travel rusted on the sides of-

“Sweet, so, where’s the cake?” I asked. My attention span got the better of me. All I wanted was cake.

“We need to find a something called a cake ‘shop’. It stores a lot of cake.”

“Is that it?” I pointed to a building quite small amidst the buildings that surrounded it. Pictures of a delicious looking food that resembled my friends’ description of cake covered the windows. “No” he answered. I stared at my friend.

“Seriously dude, stop staring at me”

“Sorry, but, I’m pretty sure that’s it.”

“So why do you have to stare at me then?”

“To see if you’re being serious”

“I’m being serious; I don’t think that’s it.”

“I think it is.”

“Fine then, let’s go in.” He then murmured something under breath so loudly that it wasn’t really a murmur. But, because the intention of the loud murmur was for it to be said quietly without anyone hearing, I shall respect this and not tell you what he murmured. We entered the cake shop.

“CAAAKKE!?” I questioned in a scream.

“CAAAKKE!” he answered in a scream.

I grabbed the nearest cake, a spectacle of colours. I took a bite. A wonderful spongy texture filled my mouth, the sweet taste made lust for another one, and many more. “This is wonderful” I said, after finishing my forty second cake. I turn around to see what my friend was doing. He wasn’t doing anything. He was just..staring at me. “Dude, quit staring at me, it’s creepy.”

“Sorry.”

“Did you have any cake?”

“Yeah, didn’t like it that much.”

“Well, I love it. Can we go back now? I’m gonna bring loads of cake with us. Life is so much better now with cake.”

“Yeah sure.”

We both left the cake shop with each of us holding a bag of many cakes, heading home, away from the now cakeless earth.

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